It’s an incredible thing. Life. It’s incredible. No amount of conversation or education can adequately prepare you. It happens. Moment after moment. Day after day. Year after year. There isn’t a rule book, and don’t ever let anyone tell you there is. It just isn’t true. There are no rules, just a rush of happenings that you soak in, wade through, and figure out as you go along. And every so often, you think about where you are and how you got here….and it will take your breath away if you let it. Because it’s incredible.

On a cold Friday morning in March, I went into an Omaha hospital eager to meet this new little human that was coming into the world. I had so many thoughts about how that would go and had prepared as much as I could for a thing I knew nothing about. But it is a humbling and honest statement to say that nothing can prepare you for what it means to birth a child except actually birthing a child. A few hours of the craziest mash-up of nature, and support, and hard, exhausting work and a new soul entered the world.

I can remember reading a verse around the time that Elias was born that said of Jesus, that he grew in wisdom, and stature, and in favor with God and man (Luke 2:52). I remember distinctly thinking that was such a simple phrase, but that it was somewhat of an outline. All that I longed for in my son was that somehow, some way, he would also grow in wisdom, and in stature, and in favor with God and man.

At the time, I thought it was my directive as a mother. Somewhere along the way, though, I realized that even though I was his mother, he was a person responsible for his own growth. We could teach him, but it would be he who would have to find the courage to apply it where needed. We could show him how to live in community with others, but he would have to sift through his relationships and take the good or rise above the bad. He would have to be a man of his word. He alone would cross the bridges he built with others or climb the clefts of bridges burned. And ultimately his relationship with God would be his, and his alone.

My son, in the 18 years since you changed my world, you have forever changed the lives of so many more. You have been enthusiastic and open-minded and asked great questions. You have been a loyal and true friend. You have been brave. You have found inner grit and determination. You have loved your younger brothers fiercely and wildly. You are passionate and witty and kind and exude the kind of openness that makes you light and attractive. You are a whole soul who has put real and honest thought into what you value and who you are. You are a stand-out human that Dad and I are infintely in awe that we didn’t somehow royally mess up.

If I have anything to offer you as you turn this page in your jouney it is this: pay attention to where you are and look at where you were. Life is strange and amazing and things will never happen as quickly as you want them to but also much faster than you will ever expect. So take stock. Remember that there are no rule books, only lessons to learn and decisions to make. Own your choices and keep growing.

-mom